Holding onto grudges can cause mental and/or physical illness over time. Bottling up your hatred and distaste for something that someone did to you has been linked with higher levels of stress levels, which can contribute to high blood pressure, heart problems, lowered immunity, anxiety and depression.
If you’re fighting anxiety and depression, cultivating the art of forgiveness may be a tool that helps you to transform the way you feel. The art of forgiveness is all a matter of mindset which enables you to upgrade your subconscious programs.
Grudge-holding can also impair your personality and your relationships with others. Studies show that people that hold onto big grudges from their past also hold onto small grudges in the present.
This naturally traps you in feelings of negativity such as anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment, hopelessness and emptiness. These are all unhealthy symptoms associated with the wounded Everyman.
If a grudge prompted or is prompting, you to retaliate, focus on healing the wounded Creator. And stop planning your revenge immediately. Instead, start practising the art of forgiveness.
Cultivating the art of forgiveness is not about excusing someone’s actions or forgetting what they did. It’s about releasing the negative emotions associated with the event and choosing to move forward with a positive attitude.
In her book, Women Who Run With Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D, notes that the act of forgiving “does not mean giving up one’s protection, but one’s coldness.”
“One deep form of forgiveness is to cease excluding the other, which includes ceasing to stiff-aim, ignore, or act coldly toward, insisting on being neither patronizing nor phony. It is better for the soul-psyche to closely limit time and repartee with people who are difficult for you than to act like an unfeeling mannequin.”
~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D, Women Who Run With Wolves
Forgiveness is not easy to do — especially if you feel deeply hurt by someone’s actions. You will know when you have forgiven someone when you feel sorry for the person rather than rage. You also stop ruminating and go over the conflict-conversation you want to have with the person.
Before you can forgive someone, it’s essential to acknowledge how you feel about them. Hate, anger and resentment carry a powerful emotional charge that is destructive to your health. You must accept that holding a grudge is damaging your mental and physical health before you can move forward.
Empathy is a wonderful gift and an essential step in the art of forgiveness. Empathy involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and understanding their emotions, perspective and motivation.
Ask yourself, what happened to that person to make them do such a terrible thing to you. Because for anybody to do something bad to another person, something bad had to happen to them as well. They simply were not aware of the emotional harm they were causing you.
If the pain and resentment you are harbouring is the product of the break-up of a relationship, consider why the person in question ended the relationship. You may need to look at your own behaviour and admit to your own shortcomings.
The art of forgiveness also means forgiving yourself. You didn’t deserve to be ill-treated. If you pin any of the blame on yourself or feel guilty, be kind to yourself. If it helps, write a letter to yourself with a heartfelt apology and a confirmation that you are not to blame.
Emotions are programmed in your nervous system and will surface whenever a thought or reminder of the person that tormented you comes into your conscious awareness.
Learn to recognise when anger and resentment are surfacing and try to let go of these feelings. Forgiveness is about letting go of the past and focusing on the present. Remember, you didn’t deserve to be ill-treated. You sure as hell don’t deserve to relive the pain. So just let it go.
If you feel as though you need some guidance about letting go of anger and resentment this article will help: Overcoming Anger and Resentment: The Cause and the Cures
If the person who hurt you is someone you want to maintain a relationship with, communicate how you feel about them. It is advisable to take this step once you have learned to release anger and resentment because you don’t want the conversation to be confrontational. Be honest and open about how their actions made you feel. The conversation will help to heal you both.
Subconscious programs are not always easy to change. When somebody has caused you pain, forgiveness does not always come easily. It needs to be cultivated.
The art of forgiveness requires regular practice. Like any art form, you have to master your instruments before your art gets easier. In this case, your instrument is your subconscious mind and it’s playing the wrong tune. The art of forgiveness relies on upgrading your subconscious until you find harmony and peace.
