Relationships make us happier and healthier. Yet in today’s world, loneliness has become an epidemic.
As a matter of fact, loneliness has become a significant public health concern in both the UK and the USA, affecting mental and physical well-being.
In the UK, a 2020 survey by the Office for National Statistics found that 7.2% of adults (approximately 3.7 million people) reported feeling lonely "often" or "always." Similarly, in the USA, a 2021 Harvard study revealed that 36% of adults, including 61% of young adults, experience "serious loneliness."
You could argue these studies were conducted during the pandemic when loneliness was more pronounced. And you would be well within your rights to claim that calling loneliness an “epidemic” is an exaggeration.
As Our World in Data point out, the loneliness epidemic is just more disinformation being meddled by mainstream media. It wouldn't surprise me if a pill to cure loneliness is peddled out sooner or later.
Oh look! Scientists are working are one.
But loneliness is a thing. However, you don't need a pill to cure it, you need a healthy lifestyle that involves connecting with people on a meaningful level, and not a superficial level.
I know from personal experience that it is possible to feel lonely even when you are in the company of others. The cause of my situation was feeling excluded and unheard.
For as long as I remember, I’ve never felt as though I fit in. I don’t have any sense of belonging.
If you feel lonely, this article is for you.
While brief periods of loneliness are natural, chronic loneliness — where feelings of isolation persist for long periods — can have severe impacts on mental and physical health.
Prolonged loneliness can lead to increased risks of anxiety, depression, and even heart disease, highlighting the urgent need for strategies to combat this issue.
Researchers note that modern lifestyles have exacerbated loneliness — particularly in younger generations.
One of the most significant causes of loneliness is the changing nature of social structures in contemporary society. Over the past few decades, several key societal shifts have transformed how we live, work, and interact with each other.
With the rise of individualism, people increasingly prioritise personal success and independence over communal bonds. This has led to a reduction in close-knit, long-term relationships and an increase self-reported isolation and alienation.
Traditional community structures, such as extended family networks or tight-knit neighbourhoods, have eroded, leaving many individuals without the support systems that once fostered social connection.
Modern work culture is also thought to play a major role in loneliness. A Gallup report reveals that 20 per cent of employees globally experience loneliness.
Jobs often require long hours or frequent travel, and remote work has become more common, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic.
While remote work offers flexibility, it also reduces face-to-face interactions with colleagues, contributing to feelings of isolation.
Additionally, frequent relocation for career opportunities can disrupt established social connections, making it harder to form lasting relationships.
Technology is also a significant factor. A simple eyeball test observing younger generations indicates there appears to be a lack of social connection.
While technology has connected us more than ever before, it has paradoxically contributed to increased feelings of loneliness. Social media platforms, while offering a way to stay in touch, tend to promote superficial connections rather than meaningful interactions.
Speaking of superficial, the national strategy to cure loneliness in the US does not take into account underlying factors. More on those later.
Research has shown that heavy social media use is correlated with higher rates of loneliness and depression, particularly among young people.
The constant comparison to others’ curated lives on platforms like Instagram and Facebook can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and isolation, making people feel more disconnected from their peers.
These studies bring us closer to the truth about loneliness. Not only are we becoming disconnected from others, we seem to be forgetting how to forge meaningful relationships.
Loneliness may be considered a mental health issue, but there are underlying factors that lead to loneliness in the first place. Loneliness, you could argue, is merely a symptom.
Loneliness itself is not a mental health issue. However, existing mental health issues can cause loneliness and loneliness can worsen mental health issues.
If you experience chronic loneliness, the chances are that you have low self-esteem due to abandonment issues and/or a history of rejection.
People with low self-esteem often struggle to receive love and connection, even when it is offered. You may believe you are unworthy of friendships or romantic relationships, leading to self-imposed isolation.
These negative self-beliefs and a poor self-image can make it challenging to reach out to others, further reinforcing feelings of loneliness.
Human connection requires vulnerability — being open about one’s feelings, fears, and desires. If you have suffered abandonment and rejection in the past, putting your emotions on the line can deter you from forming new connections.
Avoidance strategies also lead to surface-level relationships that lack depth. In the absence of meaningful connections on an emotional level, you can feel lonely even in the company of others — such as in the workplace.
Individuals who have been physically and/or emotionally abandoned in the past often crave a sense of belonging.
Subsequently, your subconscious programming is conditioned to feel that “I am different, I do not belong here.”
A sense of belonging is a core psychological need that builds into the safety and security rung of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs. A sense of belonging makes you feel respected and boosts your self-esteem.
Individuals who lack a sense of belonging tend to become socially isolated and struggle to connect with others on a meaningful level. This gives rise to irrational fears of rejection.
It can also lead to becoming a workaholic to leverage recognition in the workplace.
Overworking can also be triggered by the compulsion to provide for your family because you’re afraid of disappointing your wife and children. You may also have an irrational fear your family don’t like you and will leave you if you don’t give them what they want.
Either way, when overworking is built on the need for validation, it’s an attachment. What you will probably find is that your family would rather spend more quality time with you.
By not spending time with them, you are abandoning them. Your subconscious program is being reflected back in your behaviours. If you do have a family, spend more quality time with them and be present.
If you don’t have family, and feel your friends are superficial, search special interest groups where you can meet like-minded people.
One of the reasons I felt lonely when I was with my friends is because I could not speak with them about things I was interested in. They would also dismiss my opinion about things that I could see yet they couldn’t.
To feel a sense of belonging, to feel accepted and appreciated, you need people around you who share the same worldview on some matters.
All you need is to be given the opportunity to express your opinion.
Everyone is entitled to an opinion without resistance from other people. What lonely people need is to be heard. When people agree with you or allow you to share your ideas and opinions, an emotional connection is made.
A pill won't cure your loneliness. The cure is to overcome your fear of rejection and abandonment issues and make social connections that provide you with emotional nourishment. You need to feel a sense of belonging.
Read more about healing abandonment in this article.
