One of the principal causes that contribute to anxiety and depression is a lack of self-worth.
Typical symptoms you can use to identify a lack of self-worth are:
In this article, we dive into four science-backed strategies you can use to build your self-esteem in ways that make you feel more confident and worthy.
Those of you who don't know your self-worth may consciously or unconsciously believe that you are good for nothing. These self-defeating beliefs can affect how you think, feel and act.
In short, they rob you of experiencing a happy and fulfilling life.
Knowing your worth, believing that you are worthy and recognising you have plenty to offer the world is essential for cultivating a general sense of well-being.
Self-worth is typically contingent upon external events. When your self-esteem depends on external situations, it's unstable. As a result, your feelings become dependent on others and the whims of the world.
Obviously, you want to experience things that make you feel good — that offer comfort, pleasure and joy. And engaging in activities that boost your self-esteem makes you feel good.
But when you have contingent self-worth, you might engage in activities that make you feel worthy while avoiding activities that make you feel unworthy. This can lead you to pursue the wrong things —things that don’t reward you or make you happy in the long run.
For example, if your self-worth is contingent upon being successful at work, you might only choose jobs that are easy or you may work long hours and sacrifice your family and social life.
By setting a low bar, you never fail. However, the strategy is self-defeating because underneath, you know you can do better than your status in life indicates. Subconsciously, you will still have feelings that you are not good enough.
When you work long hours to become more successful at work, you put your health and your relationships at risk. Making yourself a slave to your desk can lead to burnout and cause frustration with your family.
Spending time with people you care about and that care about you is a healthier, positive and constructive strategy for building self-esteem.
Moreover, you lose control over how you live your life when your self-worth is tied to outside factors. Instead, we're constantly striving to avoid feeling bad about ourselves but in doing so neglect to engage in activities that make us feel good about ourselves.
Instead of striving to meet our goals, we strive to avoid failure. And if we do fail, we might abandon our goals, lose motivation, or make excuses to help ourselves feel better (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001).
Ask yourself, do you do this? What situations don't just make you feel bad emotionally, but also feel bad about yourself? These are the situations that might be in control of your self-worth.
So how can we work towards better knowing our worth so that life's slings and arrows don't affect us so much? Experts in self-esteem (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001) offer some tips:
When we focus on learning and growing, then we can take failures or lack of approval as an opportunity to improve. By doing this, we can hopefully recover more quickly from emotional upsets.
When a fear of making mistakes prevents you from trying new things or striving to better yourself, you stay rooted in a lack of self-esteem.
In reality, mistakes are part of the learning journey. When you know what not to do, your performance improves over time and helps you to become better at what you do than you would if you didn’t make mistakes.
Being pro-social — actively helping and connecting with others — builds self-esteem by creating a sense of purpose and belonging.
By supporting others, you experience an increased feeling of competence and value, which reinforces positive self-perceptions. Positive interactions also prompt the release of endorphins and oxytocin, both of which improve mood and foster feelings of trust and connection.
Furthermore, engaging in pro-social behaviours can reduce feelings of loneliness and self-doubt as we build meaningful relationships. This, in turn, strengthens our self-esteem, making us feel more confident and secure in our identity and our contributions to our community.
Research has shown that relying on the approval of others and seeking material rewards to feel good about yourself is the worst strategy for developing self-esteem.
Internal contingencies based on things like virtue and religiosity appear to be less harmful and foster a healthier, more stable sense of self-worth (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001).
When we stop letting outside opinions and achievements dictate your value, you gain more control over your self-esteem, basing it instead on your inner values and personal growth.
This shift makes your sense of self less vulnerable to the unpredictable judgments of others and external situations. Instead, self-worth becomes rooted in your intrinsic qualities, leading to increased resilience, greater self-acceptance, and a more enduring confidence that aligns with your own values and goals.
Self-esteem hinges on how you perceive yourself. But people who lack self-worth don’t typically recognise their strength, beauty and competencies.
Let’s do an exercise that enables you to hone in on the qualities you do not see in yourself. Get a pen a paper and answer the following questions.
To help reprogram your subconscious mind with positive messages about yourself, listen to the Master Mind Content meditation for healing low self-esteem.
